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True Love
A true, loving, long-lasting relationship... it's something that has always eluded me. The relationships I have had have mostly ended in boredom... his, or mine, or both. I've just never found that person that I had that click with. Not for lack of trying, especially in the younger days...
Over the years though, I have accepted it... and at times have wondered if I was even capable of "being in love" again. In the past I tended to fall fast and easily. My last relationship, which ended amicably five years ago, was comfortable... I don't think I was ever "in love" with him. So, it didn't last...
Well, I did it again! I got slightly attached to this guy. We've seen each other on and off for about a year... but the last time we were together was really special...three nights in New Orleans, sleeping in each other's arms. SIGH! We discussed the possibility of him joining me at my home for Thanksgiving... along with the 12 or 14 other mis-fits who traditionally feast at my home... a wonderfully eclectic and fun group! The kind of celebration you want to share with someone special, you know? And then, when it is over, bask in the afterglow of a wonderful meal and charmed friendships. Later, or perhaps on Black Friday, we begin the monumental task of decorating the place for theChristmas Season... a lot of work, and again something you would like to share with someone special... plus having help wouldn't hurt!
Well, it's not going to happen after all. A nice fantasy though! It seems that every time I meet a guy that I could potentially be in a relationship with...or even a fuck buddy...he soon finds (or-reconnects with) a boy he wants to see! I know it has happened four times with potential relationships and at least six or seven times with fuck buddies! Makes me sort of feel like O'Connell from the series Northern Exposure ...you remember... every man she slept with died tragically! Well, every man I get interested in finds true love...but not with me! I guess that's better than O'Connell's curse! So... if you want to find true love, date me for a few weeks!
In the end, of course I am disappointed that my friend will not be joining me for Thanksgiving. It's just not part of my destiny, I suppose. And it's OK...it is what it is. I am long over the feelings and fears that there is something wrong with me. I accept it now as just a natural outcome... for me.
Perhaps it will change one day... and perhaps not. Ultimately, I am comfortable in my own skin, after many years of doubting and worrying... and I am THANKFUL for that!
Over the years though, I have accepted it... and at times have wondered if I was even capable of "being in love" again. In the past I tended to fall fast and easily. My last relationship, which ended amicably five years ago, was comfortable... I don't think I was ever "in love" with him. So, it didn't last...
Well, I did it again! I got slightly attached to this guy. We've seen each other on and off for about a year... but the last time we were together was really special...three nights in New Orleans, sleeping in each other's arms. SIGH! We discussed the possibility of him joining me at my home for Thanksgiving... along with the 12 or 14 other mis-fits who traditionally feast at my home... a wonderfully eclectic and fun group! The kind of celebration you want to share with someone special, you know? And then, when it is over, bask in the afterglow of a wonderful meal and charmed friendships. Later, or perhaps on Black Friday, we begin the monumental task of decorating the place for theChristmas Season... a lot of work, and again something you would like to share with someone special... plus having help wouldn't hurt!
Well, it's not going to happen after all. A nice fantasy though! It seems that every time I meet a guy that I could potentially be in a relationship with...or even a fuck buddy...he soon finds (or-reconnects with) a boy he wants to see! I know it has happened four times with potential relationships and at least six or seven times with fuck buddies! Makes me sort of feel like O'Connell from the series Northern Exposure ...you remember... every man she slept with died tragically! Well, every man I get interested in finds true love...but not with me! I guess that's better than O'Connell's curse! So... if you want to find true love, date me for a few weeks!
In the end, of course I am disappointed that my friend will not be joining me for Thanksgiving. It's just not part of my destiny, I suppose. And it's OK...it is what it is. I am long over the feelings and fears that there is something wrong with me. I accept it now as just a natural outcome... for me.
Perhaps it will change one day... and perhaps not. Ultimately, I am comfortable in my own skin, after many years of doubting and worrying... and I am THANKFUL for that!
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